CHALLENGES OF THE MIGRANT FAMILIES IN MEGA CITIES

CHALLENGES OF THE MIGRANT FAMILIES IN MEGA CITIES

Fr. (Dr.) Francis Eluvathingal

1      Issues Related to Migration:

The entire history of humankind has been a history of migration. People are always on the move. Generally the reasons for migration are desire for improvement of one's own life situation, a search for new goals, an attempt for survival, quest for a new meaning and fulfilment in the transitory existence on earth etc. Migration is one of the characteristics and integral part of the modern world. The adventurous mind of the people, looking for greener pastures, was always encouraged by own family and the Church. The contribution of the educational institutions in Kerala equipped them to go far and wide across the globe. The migrants, having settled in different places across the globe, are grown to the second and further generations and have become the children of the soil.

2     Adaptation of First Generation and Integration of their Children:

A migrant is transplanted into another culture, language and environment. He loses his friends and relatives. But this sense of loss is substituted by the inner urge for economic success. The first generation migrant works hard and is ready to bear hardships so that he can get settled in the new situation. Often his psychological and religious needs are not satisfied. In this stage, normally one tends to lose or willingly lose his former cultural identity which he thinks would be a hindrance to his future progress. And yet, his is nostalgic of the past and cherishes his previous identity. He is adapted and not integrated. The second and further generations of the migrants learn in the new mother tongue and possibly speaking parents’ language at home, could be living in two worlds. They are forced to grow with two allegiances. Often parents speak of their old tradition and customs with great pride and instruct the children of the ‘lost values’. At this level, integration is most difficult and the children face a cultural dilemma. In this situation, the children themselves learn to take a balanced level of adjusting to the newer demands of the present environment, still retain a core experience from their parents’ identity. Neither losing their parents’ identity fully nor merging to the new culture totally would be ideal. Even though the second generation goes through this problem severely, for the third and further generations, integration would be easier.

3     Difficulties the Families Face:

Migrant families have suffered tremendous difficulties to live their faith as per the mind of the Church. Ignorance or negligence of living their patrimony caused them to lose the original traditions, rituals and spirituality of their mother church. The parents continue to toil hard to transmit the faith and tradition to the new generation through living the family value system, cultural traditions and ritual practices. By upholding sanctity of marriage, fidelity in marriage, maintaining family ties and reputation they carried forward this legacy even in the multi-cultural situations of the migrant areas. The onslaught of globalization, consumerism, nuclear family culture, imitation of the western culture, development of technology and the resultant misuse of it, workaholism, wreaked havoc in the faith life have shaken the family roots among the migrants in the mega cities. Mixed marriages and disparity of cult marriages are on the increase among the catholic migrants. Our traditional arranged marriages, where parties could reflect about the qualities of the other persons for a successful married life are reduced to 60-70%, and the love marriages are glorified as individual freedom in making the choice about the partner. The youngsters grow in school and colleges where girl-boy friends system is depicted as sign of manhood/womanhood. The dangers involved in these marriages and failure of family life among the migrant young couples cannot be neglected. Not finding a suitable partner from own community, not getting married even in forties, not having a proper vision for life, luxuries and frequent weekend vacations, serious lack of human and family values, egoistic and self-centred life are some other dangers that have badly affected the migrant younger generation. 

4     Family Relations among Migrants:

Present migrant situations carry with it new problems in the family relations. Most of the migrant families are very small. They suffer from lack of family bond and hence lack of strength. The children are provided with everything. They are not given the training to take up hardships. They are unaware of the pain and hard work even the value of money. The life time hard work of the parents is lavishly spoiled by some irresponsible children. Once the children grow up, the parents totally depend on them as they do not have other relatives in the migrant places. This situation affects the growth of their wedded children. The strain and stress of the job situations, increased financial burdens and loans, lack of other family members for offering a helping hand, etc. contribute tremendously to the pressure of the young families and they are not able to cope with the rigorous schedule of family life. These situations force them to neglect their prayer life and Sunday obligations etc. For the growth in faith, the small children need models and witnesses. The grand-parents who were also god-parents used to take initiatives for handing over the faith to their grand-children.

5     Youth and the Young Families:

Youth and young families are the highest in the number of migrants. Modern communication systems, lifestyle, entertainments etc. influence them very fast. There is anonymity in the cities and the Churches are not able to identify the migrants in their respective areas, due to the lack of information, infrastructure, systems etc. The young men and women lack initiatives to reach out their parishes as their priority is their work, financial stability and social living status. Among the migrant families, also because of lack of space in small flats or houses, most of the young families live separately from their parents and no much chance to hand over the faith their newly born grand-children. The young parents with their hopes and dreams for their children’s future reserve little space for their spirituality. Spreading secularized mentality deviate the younger minds to have only secular values. The children are not trained to share the time, talents and gifts with the less privileged brethren. Family prayer, family meal, family sharing and family entertainments, family pilgrimages and picnics become more and more absent.

6      Modern Marriages:

In this changed times, one may be surprised to see different types of marriages among the migrants such as arranged marriages, love marriages, civil marriage between two free persons, civil marriage between one divorcee and the other free, marriage between two divorcees, marriages between one/both living separately without obtaining civil divorce or ecclesiastical nullity, marriage into other religion, marriage of convenience, living together of free or divorced, etc. On observing deeply the marriages contracted in the Churches, one will come across different categories of marriages which may sound incredible. They are the marriages between two staunch Catholics, one practising and another non-practising catholic, two non-practising Catholics, one practising Catholic and another practising non-Catholic, one practising Catholic and another non-practising Non-Catholic, one non-practising Catholic and another non-practising Non-Catholic, one Catholic and another Oriental non-Catholic, one Catholic and another non-oriental non-Catholic, one Catholic and another from Christian sects, One Catholic and a non-Christian with a Religion, one Catholic and an atheist so on and so forth.

7     Tribunal Experiences:

Falling in love is on the rise nowadays. The parents insist that a Catholic should get married only to another Catholic especially when they come to know about the religiosity of the other party. This situation often forces the Catholic party to heed the plea of the parents and finally give consent to marry a Catholic, at the same time; they secretly continue the relationship with the person in love. This obviously leads to the break of marriage and they approach the tribunal for the declaration of the marriage null and void. Some love marriages between Catholics and non-christians are contracted with the provision of the disparity of cult. But when they start living together, the faith matters a lot for each one. But the disparity leads to conflicts especially when there are children. Undue interference of the parents in the family life and decision making of the children leads to the break of marriage. Over possessiveness is found to be another reason. The Church insists that a person must have sufficient development of their faculties of intellect and will, to be able to judge and to will a truly human act. As marriage involves a decision, discretion of judgment refers to the capacity of intellect and will to specifically evaluate, decide and freely enter marriage. Intellectual maturity is the most basic level expected in the adults who make a commitment for whole life. But unfortunately in some adults this reasoning is overpowered by only emotions. Still worse situations occur when this reasoning is done by some other minds like parents, or other kith and kin other than the contracting parties.

8     Some Solutions:

a.      Living family traditions will help the effective preservation and transmission of faith among the migrants. They are to identify these traditions and should take efforts to follow them faithfully. The spirituality of daily Family prayer should be brought back at a fixed time by all the members of the family. Bible reading, dedication prayers, prayer of the faithful, etc. are to be also made part of this prayer. Apart from attending the Holy Qurbana, the Sunday Observance and other spiritual nourishment are to be encouraged. Fasting and abstinence are very dear to our family tradition. The practice of abstinence (nombu for 50, 25, 15, 8 and 3 days and all Fridays) is to be observed besides the days of fasting. The observance of Friday abstinence is to be promoted intensely. Theerthadanavum vazhippadum (Pilgrimages and vows) to religious and holy places are to be promoted and families to be helped to fulfil this religious practice.

b.       Sunday Catechism is an effective means of transmission of faith which needs to be effectively conducted for migrant children. As migrants have left the natives at their 20’s, the lost enthusiasm is to be renewed and enkindled. The traditional method of catechesis may not be always suitable for catering to the needs of the migrants and hence we need to broaden the horizons to effectively carry out this mission to all the migrants. To renew the faith and spirituality of the elders in the family, adult catechism through some seminars and sessions should be implemented on priority.

c.       The role and significance of fatherhood needs to be emphasized and empowered institutionally and individually. The boys should be groomed and empowered. The newly married should be accompanied by the elders in the family to make sure their mature growth. They are to be encouraged to take up the role of responsible parents. The Church needs to take special pastoral accompaniment for them.

d.      There should be an insistence that all those who get married in the church should attend the marriage preparation course and no exemption is given whatsoever. In fact the marriage preparation course shall not be restricted only to three days programme just before the marriage but it should be planned in such a way that in every state they prepare with sufficient information for a successful married life. Non-Christians attend the course with reluctance, but after the course, they show satisfaction of having participated and find it an enriching experience. Apart from sessions on various topics related to family life, this three-day long marriage preparation course includes opportunity for marriage counseling, confession, etc. The course is conducted in English.

e.      The concept of arranged marriages is to be understood with clarity especially about the decision making on marriage. Decision forced on their children by the parents is undesirable as per the letter and spirit of the law. At the same time, many feel insecure for a decision taken by the contracting parties alone as it lacks perfection. I would say, a perfect decision making on marriage should be a process where the contracting parties take the final decision with the constant assistance and involvement of the parents who help them to evaluate and decide. A decision for marriage made by the parents against the will of the contracting parties is unjustified.

f.        Marriages are made in heaven, which we solemnize on earth. Human person is a composite of body, mind and soul. Solemnization of a marriage is not just a spiritual ceremony happening in the church where only the soul is involved. But it is solemn moment of officially exchanging the consent for an already taken decision where mind and body are involved. A boy and a girl who take a decision for their whole life need to have basic knowledge about the other person. The migrant community must uphold the traditional values of entering into marriage with sanctity of life but at the same time the parents show much openness towards knowing each other.

g.      Unfortunately “falling in love” is a trap where many of our youngsters are unable to take decision with due discretion involving their intellect and will. The youngsters say that they just fall in love. One is blind to the demerits of the other when one falls in love. It is dangerous when the youngsters get married only because they are in love. In such cases, being in love is the only reason or quality for marriage. They do not consider many other key factors that are very important for a successful married life. Love need not be the only component that sustains a whole life together but rather is one of the many components. Rather than just marrying the one whom one loves, it is necessary to love the one whom one marries.

h.      Nowadays, one of the major problems in love marriage is having different faiths. If our youngsters consider disparity of cult marriages as the fashion of the day, living our faith as one family will be almost impossible and it will result in the disintegration of the family; thus the stability of the family and community will be at stake. Conversion of heart only should lead to conversion to another religion. Sometimes some non-Christians get converted only for the sake of getting married. In these cases usually there is no living of faith in the families. The children, even if they are baptized, are not given opportunities of family prayers, Sunday obligations, nor sent for catechism classes. In some cases, once the marriage is over, even if they are converted Catholics, they go back to their original religion and do not care for living their new faith.

i.        It is very much opportune to begin some family oriented courses for the parents before the marriage of their children. One or two children in the family sometimes prevent the holistic development of the children. They get all they want and need not share with anyone else. This leads to selfishness and egoism. It is surprising to see the young families resist in sharing together including their salaries. These are against the basic concept of family values of giving and sacrificing.

j.        The parents want to make sure that their children do not face the same difficulties that they faced. Many parents do not share their problems with their children but they suffer in private. And some others do not include their children in the decision making process. The parents take care of each and every need of the family and of the children. Hence most of the children lack practical knowledge and experience even to do small or big house hold activities. When their children get married and found new families, they do not know to take decisions, to handle many family situations and do household activities.

k.       The young families undoubtedly need follow up programme after their marriage and looking at the current development it goes without saying. The strain and stress of the job situations, increased financial burdens and loans, lack of other family members for offering a helping hand, etc. contribute tremendously to the pressure of the young families and they are not able to cope with the rigorous schedule of family life. These situations force them to neglect their prayer life and Sunday obligations etc.

l.        For the growth in faith, the small children need models and witnesses. In the Catholic tradition, the grand-parents were also god-parents at the time of baptism of their grand-children and they took initiatives for traditionally handing over the faith to their grand-children. They were either living together or close by and it was possible. Now among the migrant families, also because of lack of space in small flats or houses, most of the young families live separately from their parents and there is not much chance to hand over the faith to their newly born grand-children. This will definitely affect the future practising of the faith of the young families.

m.    There are some traditions of which we need to imbibe their spirit into our present day. The spirit of modesty in our traditional and cultural dressings should be followed. Even the food we eat and time table following in the eating habits are to be seriously noted and followed as far as we can.