Family Traditions to be handed over ….

(A guidelines for the Syro-Malabar Migrant Families)

Fr. Francis Eluvathingal

This paper gives a bird’s eye view on the spiritual, theological, liturgical and disciplinary traditions observed in the Syro-Malabar families with a scope of giving clarity to the migrants to uphold to the patrimony for a better ecclesial life. Thoma margam was the term used for the typical traditions practiced by the St. Thomas Christians. By the preaching of the Apostle Thomas the people received Jesus according to their religious, linguistic, cultural background. In the early times of the Church, faith was handed down, from one generation to the next, mainly through family-centred catechesis and customary practices like ceremonies related to birth, marriage, death, etc. family prayer, para-liturgical services in connection with feasts, the periods of annunciation and lent, holy week, fast, abstinence, etc. Continues reception of the sacraments especially the Holy Qurbana, daily family prayer with their parents and other family members, Sunday school catechesis and other spiritual practices have naturally helped their spiritual growth. In the traditional dressings and wearing ornaments and life style they lived as their Hindu brethren but in faith as Christians.

Spirit of tolerance, friendly relations and peaceful co-existence with other religions were important life styles of Marthoma Christians. In the early centuries, living the faith in Jesus in the multi-cultural-religious-linguistic situation of India would not have been an easy task. Apart from that, St. Thomas Christians have adopted their own different ecclesial traditions in its history and hence there is no uniformity with regard to the family traditions. Some of the early century traditions are not at all practiced now and there are quite different ones in practice now. On the other hand, in different places there are different practices on the same occasion. Is it necessary to have uniformity in the family traditions is a question yet to be answered. This article is an attempt to pen down family traditions without claiming them to be all-inclusive. 

1.     Marriage

a.     Some of the Practices seen in the History related to marriage

Fixing the Marriage, engagement, and crowing ceremony were the three most important steps in a marriage. At the residence of the woman in the presence of the parish priest, the fixing of the marriage was done by holding the hands by the fathers or guardians of the couples. The guests used to put rings in the fingers of the couples and a virunnu was given on that occasion. Fixing of the marriage was done sometimes in the Church also. The share of the father to be given to the daughter was fixed at this time.

The engagement was celebrated almost equal to the marriage celebration. At the same time the legal implications of the engagement and marriage were not the same. Engagement was a function conducted in the Church. The boy used to entrust a ring to the parish priest to be given to the girl. On a fixed day, the girl used to come to the church, and four virgins take the ring and put it on the figure of the girl saying this particular boy wants to marry you and has entrusted the ring to be given to you. If the girl denies it, the marriage remains cancelled and if she was to keep silence which is a sign of acceptance, they proceed with the marriage ceremony.

Crowning ceremony was the real marriage. In the chalice half filled with water, the ring that was accepted by the woman was to be dipped. After long prayers, the couples drink water from that chalice and then the groom puts the ring in the fingers of the bride. Then took place the crowning ceremony and the crown was made up of red, white and blue flowers. Sometimes both man and woman wore crowns was made up of gold. The man used to wear a chain with golden cross. The couple were welcomed at groom’s residence with nirapara and nilavilaku. At certain places, the maternal uncle carried the bride to home. One the eve of marriage, cultural programme such as margamkali, parichamuttukali, rambanpāttu, etc. were conducted at the residences. Andham chārtu, mailanchiyidal were conducted on the previous day. Both before and after marriage, madhuram vekkal was conducted at the residences. Going to the Church and coming back to the Church was accompanied by band and other ceremonies.

The marriage was usually on Sundays; but the celebrations lasted four days. Child marriage was common till recent centuries. The male and female were not allowed to walk or travel together. The wife never used to call her husband by name. The daughters did not have right over the properties of her father. After the death of one partner, the other was permitted to get married after a year. Divorce was unheard among them.

b.    Arranged marriages

In an arranged marriage, while the meeting of the spouses is arranged by family members, relatives or friends, the spouses agree of their own free will to marry. Mostly arranged marriage involves a matchmaker, matrimonial site, mutual friends or a trusted third party. In an introduction for arranged marriage, the parents or guardians introduce a potential spouse. From that point on, it is up to the two individuals to develop the relationship and make a final choice. There is no set time period. Arranged marriages were very common throughout the world until the 18th century and this is increasingly common in the Syro-Malabar tradition till today including in migrant families. Now-a-days we can qualify them neither a typical arranged nor love marriage but an arranged love marriage.

c.     Bridal Processions

The wedding processions to the church and from the church were royal and very important part of the marriage ceremony. For this occasion, the Thomas Christians made use of the high privileges of using palanquin (antoolam), elephants to ride on (ambāri), royal silk umbrellas (muthukuta), day lamps (pakalvilakku), walking clothes (pāvāta), band (panjavādyam), people for shouting (natavili by men and kurava by women), body guards, fore-runners to clear the way, carpets, ornaments, slaves and many others. This procession is not practiced now-a-days.

In the recent centuries, the bridegroom’s sister and brother-in-law used to go the house of the bride and bring them to the Church together with the guests of the bride. The bridegroom will be already waiting at the Church gates for the bride. Relatives, friends and guests are obliged to get to the church at the appointed time. As the offertory is kept in the beginning of the Holy Qurbana, the groom and the bride enter into the Church together with the parents and close relatives of both. When the offertory procession reaches the altar, the bride and the groom hand over the offer and the others follow. The couples’ parents and family members are to sit both sides and then the others.

d.    Tāli

The most important rites found exclusively in the marriage celebration of Thomas Christians are the rites of tying the tāli and offering the Mantrakoti. These two are found among the customs of the Hindus and indeed remain strong examples of inculturation by the Christians in India. tāli, having the shape of the leaf of the bunyan tree (ālila), is made up of gold and worn by the bride throughout her married life on her neck. The Christian tāli or minnu is made in gold, has 21 minute balls embossed on it in the form of a tiny cross. It seems that 21 balls are calculated to be 3 persons in Holy Trinity and 7 sacraments (3x7=21).

The tāli proclaims the bride as a married woman. No married woman ever parted with tāli. For the Thomas Christians, the tāli, is a sacred symbol of the strong bond and intimate union between the spouses. In the case of matrimony there could not be separation, except at the death of man or the wife, otherwise they must live together for better or worse. When she died, the tāli was deposited in the treasury box of the parish church.

There are many interesting ceremonies related to the tāli. On the eve of the marriage the twine with which the tāli is tied is prepared in the house of the bridegroom.  Usually threads are taken from the wedding garment, the mantrakoti. Both Brahmins and St. Thomas Christians shared the tradition on the formation of this thread. Three threads were twisted into one and out of seven such composite strands the final cord was prepared.  For the Christians, three may represent the Holy Trinity, and seven may stand for the seven sacraments.

e.     Mantrakoti

The mantrakoti is the nuptial vestment for the bride presented by the bridegroom. Even though the East Syrian tradition has the rite of the blessing of the nuptial vestment, the St. Thomas Christian custom of mantrakoti seems to have originated from a Hindu custom. Among the Hindus of Kerala, there is a marriage ceremony called ‘pudava kodukkal’ (conferring of nuptial vestment).  The expression ‘pudava kodukkal’ is synonymous with marriage. Thus the conferring of nuptial vestment to the bride by the bridegroom is understood to be the vital part of marriage among Hindus. The Christians do not give such a meaning. It is understood more as a rite manifesting the communion between bride and bridegroom. Christian marriage liturgy has the ceremony of the bridegroom adorning the bride with the mantrakoti. mantrakoti is the symbol of the intimate union of life between bridegroom and bride.  To vest someone shows the intimacy between the persons. The groom adorns the bride with the mantrakoti as if it were clothing for both of them. Adorning the bride with the mantrakoti is understood as the couple putting on Christ.

f.     Wedding Ring (Vivaha mothiram)

Among the Eastern Catholics, the exchange of rings is not technically part of the wedding service, but rather is exchanged at the betrothal. It is always a two-ring set given to the bride and bridegroom by the priest after the blessing and the couples exchange the rings placing them into each other’s finger. Though this was not part of the wedding ceremony, recently it was included into the liturgy. Important to note that the husband and wife carry the wedding ring throughout their life with the name of the other stating that we belong to each other.

g.    Rosaries given blessing with the cross at the Forehead

This tradition has a recent origin. Rosary is a prayer recited by the families and hence a rosary is blessed and given to the couples at the time of their wedding. In fact, the husband and wife are strengthened throughout their life by the family prayer. Mary, the mother of Jesus is the ultimate role model for the Catholic bride, as she will strive to mirror Mary's perfect love for God and devotion to her family. St. Joseph, the perfect husband together with his spouse remains the best intercessors for the new family. The couples often wish to seek the guidance and blessings of the Lord, through a ceremony that requests the intercession of the saints for their married life.

h.    Marriage Blessing

Marriage blessing as the work of God is emphasized in the celebration of marriage. The East Syrian tradition views the priest himself as the celebrant of the marriage whereas the Latin tradition views the bride and the bridegroom as the celebrants. According to Latin tradition, the spouses as ministers of Christ's grace mutually confer upon each other the sacrament of Matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church. The vital difference is that the Latin tradition stresses the human endeavour in the rite of marriage whereas the East Syrian tradition stresses the work of God that is the work of communion.

i.      Garlanding

In India, where flower garlands have an important and traditional role in every festival especially in wedding the couple wears a wedding garland. In all Hindu marriages bride and bridegroom exchange garlands. Taking this tradition, as part of inculturation, it was traditionally adorned by the couple or by the parents of the couple on the occasion of their wedding. But in the new liturgical text, garlanding is kept as an optional thing during the liturgy itself though it is not practiced in all places.

j.       The Bride’s Bouquet

At its inception, the bouquet formed part of the décor worn by both the bride and groom. It was considered a symbol of happiness. Originally bridal bouquets were made of herbs, which had magical and meaningful definitions for the couple's future life. Ancient uses included herbs, not flowers, in bouquets because they felt herbs -- especially garlic -- had the power to cast off evil spirits. Flower girls carried sheaves of wheat, a symbol of growth, fertility, and renewal. Later, flowers replaced herbs and took on meanings all their own. Most of the flowers mean happiness, purity, beauty and fertility.

k.    Leading the bride to the house of bridegroom

Receiving the bride to the Groom’s house is a very meaningful ceremony practiced by the families. The bridegroom’s mother in the traditional Kerala style with a bell metal lamp with a metallic handle (nilavilakku or kuttuvilaku) and a bushel heaped up with grain welcome the bride. The couple stand facing the entrance and are welcomed with sprinkling of nellum nirum, which are symbols of light and prosperity and fertility cum coronation rite. The couple especially the bride take special care to place the right foot first which is taken from the hindu tradition which expresses the good intention of the bride. After the prayer in the house, the couple is escorted by the siblings and their partners to the special elevated seats in the pavilion and all other guests are seated there. Once everything is over, the parents and the relatives of the bride entrust their prized possession to the Groom’s parents. The bride says her final goodbye to her family. 

l.      Wedding Banquet

A wedding reception is a party held after the completion of a marriage ceremony. It is held usually as hospitality for those who have attended the wedding. This celebration was attended by the relatives, well-wishers, neighbours and friends of the couple. The couple were accepted as a new family into the society. A sumptuous feast served on folded leaf which is symbolically of the royal way of eating out of double leaf. Hosts provide their choice of food and drink, although a wedding cake is popular. Entertaining guests after a wedding ceremony is traditional in most societies. According to the convenience, separate wedding celebrations were held for the bride's and groom's families.

m.  Madhuram Vekkal

On the occasion of the marriage, traditionally madhuram vekkal was practiced two times. The first ceremony is held in the respective homes of the bride and the groom, a day prior to the church wedding. On the previous day of the marriage, where all the relatives, neighbours and friends come together, they celebrate the single status of the person for the last day and say good bye to the single status. The groom sits facing the east, while a barber cuts his hair and shaves off his beard (Andham cārtu). The groom’s eldest sister or female cousin anoints his hair with oil. The groom’s brother-in-law then escorts the groom for his regular bath sheltered under an umbrella, held by the brother-in-law. On his arrival, all the ladies clap their hands and cheer him. This is called the ‘korava’, traditionally considered very auspicious throughout Kerala.

In the bride’s home, the feet of the bride are anointed with (henna lawhomia alba) by a female cousin which is called mailanchiyidal. After her bath, the bride dresses up will together with traditional jewellery. The bride enters from the easterly direction, sheltered under an umbrella, held by her uncle. After the ‘korava’ the bride and groom in their respective homes, sit on a chair, which has been covered with a white cloth and are blessed by the priest. A sweet called madhuram is brought and blessed. After the blessing, the sweet is given to the bride and the groom by the mother, aunty or grandmother.

The second madhuram vekkal is done at the reception of the bride and groom which is given to both of them in a very solemn way by the eldest person of the family. He asks loudly three times the permission of the community gathered there if the madhram can be given to the couples or not. The community expresses its joy in doing so and madhram is given to both of them. In certain areas, before receiving madhram, the bride and the groom wash their mouths with water and receive it as a holy thing. This ceremony reminds that the life they begin together should become sweet as the madhram they accept.

n.    Communion of Two Families

Another important aspect of the St. Thomas Christian marriage is the communion of two families: this tradition puts great emphasis on the relation between the families of the bride and bridegroom. Marriage is not just a communion of two individuals, rather it is of two families and their relatives. 

o.     Nilavilakku Telikkal

Nilavilakku is a traditional lamp lit by the bride and bridegroom and their family members. The light represents Christ and the new family accepts Christ as the head of their family. The couple promises to be the light of the family. Both of them together lit the lamp and the one flame symbolizes that they can no longer be separated, so are the bride and groom joined as one in marriage. The side flames represent to signify the continued ties to the both their family members. Lighting the lamp is part of Indian religious and social tradition and nilavilakku symbolizes the Kerala tradition.

p.    Bridal Chamber (manavara)

It is the room set up for the newly wedded couple. The bed is decorated well in order to indicate that the physical union based not on lust, but rather upon the spiritual blending of man and woman. The bridal chamber is the holy of holies hidden behind the veil where male and female becomes one Perfect human person. The ceremony of shutting and opening the bridal chamber (adaccuthura) seems to have been substituted by songs and solemn bath of the bridegroom who came out of his apartment at the invitation of his mother-in-law. But he would not come out until after she had promised (in songs) to give him bronze vessels with a cow and calf. This promise would be fulfilled after the birth of the first child which took place in the paternal house of the girl.

q.    Other rituals subsequent to the celebration of wedding

The Thomas Christians followed the Brahmin custom of dowry given by the family of the bride to the bridegroom. It was given on the day of engagement at the house of the bride and often in the form of ornaments. A certain percentage (generally 10%) of the dowry went to the parish church of the bride. This kind of tithe was called pasaram. After the exchange off the contract with regard to dowry, the marriage consent was given by the parties, often at the Church in the presence of a priest. A pavilion or pandal would be erected and elegantly decorated in front of the house. There would be also elaborate designs inside made by sprinkling rice flour (kalamezhuttu).

2.     Pius Customs related to Child Birth and Sacraments of Initiation

a.     Some of the Practices seen in the History

The word, Maraan Iso Misiha (Our Lord Jesus Christ) and the child’s name were whispered into its ear (nāmakarama). Corresponding to the Jātakaranam of the Brahmins, the father of the child used to mix a little honey or milk with gold and vayambu (an ayurvedic medicinal plant) and put this mixture into the mouth of the child 36 hours after its birth.  On 28^th day, a black thread was tied below the abdomen which was known as irupathettukettu. A black thread often ornamented with panther toe-nails (pulinakham) or mongoose teeth (kēripallu) enclosed in a golden locket was tied around the waist of the child on the 28^th day. The ladies were permitted in the church only after 40 days after the delivery if the child is a boy and after 80 days if the child is a girl. After 6 months, the child was taken to the church, with fine dresses for giving hard food, which was feeding the child with boiled rice (choruttu). The child was placed in the lap of the mother and the priest used to give three times the blessed palchoru in the mouth of the child. At the age of 4, the children were placed at the lap of the teacher (āshan), who initiated the children for writing the alphabets for the first time in a plate of rice (Ariyiliruttu or ezhuthininuthu). Though the āshan was Hindu by religion, he used to teach the Christian prayers writing in ola.   

b.    Traditions during the Pregnancy

May be as part of the fertility culture, traditionally the Syro-Malabar Christians gave much importance for the birth of the children and numerous children were part of the culture though it is getting extinguished. Pregnancy care and preparation for the birth of the child were linked with many traditions. The care and birth of the first child was considered to be responsibility of the mother’s parents. As soon as the mother is pregnant, the mother was taken to her parents for better health care. At the 7^th month, officially she was taken to her parents’ house and the care was given from there till the birth of the child. After the birth of the child, a special care is given for the mother. On a fixed day, the father of the child together with his relatives officially takes the child to their residence and a meaningful reception to the new child at fathers’ residence is also organized. On all these occasions, a meaningful prayer is recited giving importance to the mother or the child.  

c.     Sacraments of Initiation and God Parents and Names

In the early centuries, the baptism was on the 8^th day remembering the dedication of Jesus in the temple. Now-a-days the children were baptised on or after the 40^th day after the birth according to the East-Syrian formula. Close relatives of the child such as the grant parents or uncles and aunties were the God- parents. They were placed in high position. The children were given biblical names with modifications suited to the Malabar tastes, in particular those of the paternal and maternal grandparents for the first and second child respectively. On this occasion, people used to offer money to priests and to the church. Apart from the baptismal name, most of the children were called with a pet name which either the short form or derived form of the baptismal name. Together with baptism, the sacrament of Confirmation was administered without any special anointing.

3.     Rituals to the dying and Commemoration of the Dead

a.     Anointing the Sick

Tying palm leaves with biblical verses to the body of the sick, drinking of water mixed with the soil taken from the tomb of St. Thomas at Mylapore by the sick and the dying are some of the traditional practices performed by the St. Thomas Christians. Ancient times, nothing is seen regarding the sacrament with the holy oil but the parish priest uses to bless the sick placing the Holy Bible on the body of the sick. At least for the last four centuries…………

b.    Death and Burial

When the signs of death appeared, the dying person was laid on a bed facing the East according to the local custom. Till the moment of death, the relatives and neighbours used to accompany the person, chanting or reciting the prayers sometimes in the in the ears of the dying (chevittorma). As soon as the person breathed his last, the toes and thumbs were tied with a piece of cloth.  Usually, the dead body was placed facing the East at home and also at the graveyard. Crucifix and candles were kept in the head side of the dead. After a few hours of the death, his body was washed, dressed with fresh cloth (kodithuni) and anointed with perfumed oil and was exposed before the community to pay due homage. During the time at home, puthenpāna, thomaparvam, and other prayers were recited by the relatives and neighbours. It seems that for many centuries, they used to bury their dead in their own premises. Later it was buried in the church cemeteries. Then the body used to be carried from home to the Church graveyard which was done by children, grandchildren and close relatives.

c.     After Burial Ceremonies

Till the purification of the house after the burial, no food was prepared or eaten in the house. After the burial service, the members of the family would gather in the house in the presence of the parish priest and say special prayers for the dead and sprinkle holy water to purify the house. The priest used to bless a tender coconut (karikku) and drink from it and distributed among the relatives. After the liturgical prayers of the occasion, the priest would bless jirakam (cumin seed). Then all people one after another would come and accept the peace (Kastuuri) from the extended hand of the priest and take a few seeds of jirakam to eat.  Thus they break the fast after burial. Later simple vegetarian food was given to all which was called pattinikanji. The poor would be given food, clothes and money.

d.    Commemoration of the Dead

The commemoration of the dead was also given special importance. There were also special observances for the commemoration of the dead on the 7th, 11^th, 16th, 28th, and 41st day after the demise. The relatives and friends of the deceased used to pray and eat together at the house of the dead for a week and a 7^th day special prayers were conducted. Like high caste Hindus, the Thomas Christians also practised Pulakuli or ritual bath on the 11^th day after the burial, for the purification from the defilement due to the death of a member of the family. Following the Hindu traditions, there were also certain observances done on 16^th and 28^th day. Till the commemoration on the 41st day the family members remained in fasting and abstinence and only vegetarian meals were served in the house. The male used to grow beard and all in the family wear white or black coloured dresses. 41^st day was typical to the Christians, remembering the ascension of Jesus on 40^th day after the resurrection and the 40 days of fasting of Jesus. The death anniversary celebration was called sradham or cattam. The parents would not celebrate the cattam of their deceased children. Liturgical prayers, memorial common meals, almsgiving, etc., were parts of the celebration. Some of these customs are preserved even today.

4.     Holy Week and Family Traditions

Visudha vāram or the holy week was observed as the most important week for spiritual growth, personal sanctification and holiness. Almsgiving and conducting long prayers including in the nights were the speciality of this season.

a.     Valiya Nombu

b.    Hosanna Sunday

Nalpatham velli (40^th Friday), Friday before the Hosanna Sunday used to be a reminder for the last ten days of lent. The families started rigorous lent. The Saturday between the nalpatham velli and hosanna was specially celebrated with special edibles such as kozhikotta and pichampodi those in round and rectangle size. The gospel reading of that day indicates that these edibles are to remind the hospitality of Martha and Marian in the house of Lazarus. These edibles were made and distributed with the other families as well to remind about this hospitability. In some areas the tradition is to remind of the different types of stones, taken by the soldiers to throw Jesus. On hosanna Sunday, the tender coconut leaves were brought to home and each member used to keep the leave in his room, a symbol of protection from evil.

c.     Appam murickal on Moundy Thursday

On Maundy Thursday (Pesaha Vyazham), as a part of the family celebration of the Passover Feast, a special unleavened broad was made (Pesaha appam) which is also called inri appam. INRI (Iesus Nazraenus Rex Iudeorum) appam is very much Biblical. It was patterned after the Jewish mode of celebration of the Passover in the family which was continued in the St. Thomas Christian tradition taking the spirit of Exodus 12; 14-27. INRI appam represented the bread used by Jesus during the Last Supper. Tender coconut leaves, blessed on Hosana Sunday was used to form the cross on the appam. The eldest member of the family would lead the prayer together with the reading of the biblical passage and would break this bread with hands and share it with other members of the family from the eldest to the youngest. The bread was received in the hands with the same respect as if receiving Holy Communion.

Together with this, a special drink was also prepared with rice flour, coconut milk, and jaggery which represented the wine of the Last Supper. All these things were done with great respect and reverence. It is to be noted that Appam murickal in the parish churches or family units is not a substitute to the Pesaha Appammurickal traditionally observed in the family. When elder members of the family die, this appam murickal was not done for a year. This bread and milk were not given to the non-Christians nor be kept for the next day. During the breaking of bread, puthenpāna was read out. Appammurickal in the parish churches and the family unit meetings shall not be a substitute for this holy tradition though many families do not have most of the family members to celebrate this tradition.

d.    Holy Friday and Saturday

During the Holy Week, besides the liturgical celebrations in the church, there were also family liturgical celebrations. On the Fridays of the great fast and during the days of the Holy Week the family members would sit together and read the Puthenpāna, the passion narrative of the Lord. That day people used to avoid all types of entertainment and just observed as the day of the Lord in fasting and prayer. On Friday and Saturday, no entertainments were allowed and house hold works were minimized so much so that even the cleaning the house was not permitted. On the Holy Friday, a bitter drink (kaipunēr) from the vegetable was prepared and drunk by the family members. Nagarikanickal is not a correct practice. Veneration of the cross and mystery of the cross is the correct practice.

5.     Fasting and Abstinence

The Thomas Christians had a rigorous discipline with regard to fasts and abstinence. The foreign missionaries called the St. Thomas Christians as the “Church of those who fast” (upavasikalude sabha). For any important feast celebration, the faithful prepared themselves with disciplined abstinence, fasting and prayer. According to tradition, the Syro-Malabar Church had about 180 days of abstinence. During the days of abstinence, the faithful abstained from meat, fish, egg, milk, milk products, chewing of betel, smoking, alcohol, conjugal relationship, etc. The days of abstinence are on all days of Lent (49 days), period of Annunciation (24 days), all days of Moonnunombu (3 days), Ettunombu (7 days) and Pathinanjunombu (14 days) and previous day of the transfiguration of our Lord. Such abstinence was observed also on all Wednesdays and on all Fridays except the Friday/s between Christmas and Denha and the Friday after Easter of the year. Now also the period of annunciation and lent are observed avoiding solemn celebrations in the families. Respecting our age-old tradition for penance the faithful observes fasting, prayer, abstinence, mortification, almsgiving etc. It is beneficial to participate in the Holy Qurbana and spend more time in prayer, read the Bible and life history of saints, make the way of the cross etc.

All the family members who have completed the age of fourteen and those who enjoy normal health are obliged to observe fast and abstinence. Fasting is obligatory on the first day of the Lent (vibhuthi -Ash Monday) and on Good Friday but also recommended on all Fridays in Lent. On days of Fasting only one full meal may be taken. Having a very solemn vegetarian lunch on the fasting day seems to be a wrong custom.

6.     Feasts, Veneration to the Saints and Festivals

Among the family traditions, the celebration of Feasts also involved an important role in the transmission of the faith. They usually celebrated in the family, the feasts of our Lord such as all the Sundays, the feast days of the Nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ (Dec. 25), Denha (Jan. 6th), Easter, Ascension of our Lord, Dormition of the Holy Mary Mother of God (Assumption, Aug. 15th), Sts. Peter and Paul (29th June) and Dukhrana (Martyrdom) of St. Thomas the Apostle (July 3) the Annunciation, the Nativity, Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter, the Pentecost, the glorification of the Cross, etc. were given greater importance. Of the feasts of the Saints, those of St. Mary, St. Thomas, St. John Baptist and St. George were given special importance.

a.     Christmas and Easter

Making the crib, decorating the house with lights are the family traditions for Christmas in order to make sure Christ remains the focus of our family's celebration.

According to a custom, believers greet one another on Easter day with the words, "Jesus Christ is risen from the dead!" repeated three times. Each time, the other person replies, "He has risen indeed!"

b.    Denha or Baptism of Jesus

On Christmas night people used to bless a bonfire of dry wood and to go around it in procession. There used to be only the night Mass for Christmas. Among the important feasts was Epiphany. This feast was known in various names such as epiphany, rākkuli, pindikuthi, etc. in different places. No matter what was the name used, the feast was the remembrance of the baptism of Jesus Christ. Rākkuli (night bath) was more a ceremonial bath in the pond or river near to the houses remembering the baptism of Jesus, which was more a symbol of personal purification. In North Kerala it was called pindikuthi perunnal when feast torches were lighted usually on pinti or plantain trunk during night and it was more a communitarian proclamation of Jesus as the light of the world calling him ‘el paiya’ (God is bright) in Syriac meant God is the light.

c.     Feasts of St. Thomas

The feasts of St. Thomas were all dear to the Thomas Christians. The octave of Easter, which they called the New Sunday was solemnly celebrated in honour of St. Thomas who put his hands in the side and wounds of Christ and confessed with conviction “My Lord and My God. Pilgrimage to Malayattoor where St. Thomas is believed to have prayed, is even today made by many Christians on the occasion.

The feast of St. Thomas on 3^rd of July has been always called Dukhrana. A Syriac word, Dukhrana means remembrance or commemoration. Sradham or cattam, the anniversary of the death of St. Thomas their father of faith, was celebrated very solemnly among all St. Thomas Christians.

d.    Special Devotion to Holy Mary, Mother of God

According to age-old oriental tradition, as special devotion to Blessed Virgin Mary, the Mother of God, Ettunombu was observed in preparation for the nativity of Mother of God and pathinanjunombu in preparation of the Dormition (Assumption) of the Holy Mary Mother of God. In a recent origin, the month of October is especially dedicated for praying Rosary and the month of May is observed for special devotion (vanankkamasam) in honour of Mother Mary.

e.     New Year's Day 

In order to start the New Year in prayer in the Church taking part in the adoration and liturgical celebration is a recent tradition followed by Syro-Malabar families.

f.     Patron’s day (Patroness Day) and Birthday

In Catholic homes the feast of the saint for whom a child is named (or whose name a child shares) was once more important than the child's birthday. The "Name Day" is celebrated by making confession and participating in Holy Qurbana and other spiritual celebrations. Now-a-days, birthday is celebrated with the spiritual preparations and prayers.

g.    Novena

The practice of saying novenas is not explicitly derived from Holy Scripture nor it is an oriental tradition, but was rather influenced by a Roman custom. The word Novena comes from Latin word Novem, meaning nine. It is an institutional act of religious pious devotion, in belief of obtaining special intercessory graces. The practice was later adopted by the Catholics who associated the event in the Upper Room where they prayed for nine days until the Holy Spirit descended on the Feast of Pentecost.

h.    Vanakkamāsam

Vanakkamasam is a special prayer recited daily for a month in the honour of our Lord or the saints. This is not an ancient prayer but our Community conducted vanakkamasam which has now become a strong tradition. It is popular devotion conducted in the families in the month of March of St. Joseph, in the month of May of Mother Mary. Such vanakkamasam is also done in honour of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in the month of June.

i.      One time food for the poor (oottu nercha)

Another act of charity and prayer performed by the families especially related to the feast of St. Joseph on 19^th March. A poor family is invited to the Christian families representing the Holy Family and they are given sumptuous food for one time. This poor family is respected like honourable guest which is a sign of a great spirituality and prayer.

j.      Procession during the Parish Feasts

Procession is proudly practised by the St. Thomas Christians. The family members together participated in this manifestation of the faith, communion and fellowship of the parish community.

k.    Sponsors (prasudenthi)

Many families come forward to be sponsors (prasudenthi) for the feast celebration in order to give a communitarian.

l.      Particular Feasts

The feasts of the patron saints of the Church were celebrated with great solemnity by Thomas Christians.

m.  The Celebrations

The Thomas Christians counted the day from sunset to sunset. Therefore the feast was begun on the eve with solemn vespers and other prayers. Apart from the liturgy; offering (nercha) and processions were also integral parts. During the feast day they abstained from work.

n.    Festivals

The Christians and hindus alike celebrated many common or national feasts; for example, onam, visu. In connection with their feasts – either Church feasts or social feasts (utsavas) there used to be processions with all kinds of pomp. Royal umbrellas (muthukuda), musical instruments (panjavādhyam) torches, pop-guns and so forth were used on these festive occasions. Elephants decorated with many ornaments were led in processions to add solemnity to the display. The custom of borrowing and lending processional paraphernalia from and to the Hindu temples was in vogue in the past among the Christians.

7.     Thērthadanam, Vazhipādu (Nercha), Kānikka and prasadam

a.     Thērthadanam

From the early centuries, the feast of St. Thomas was celebrated with due importance among St. Thomas Christians. In the early centuries, the faithful used to go to Mylapore either in groups or individually, to pray at his tomb. This pilgrimage (thērthadanam) reminds us about the first visit of St. Thomas Christians along with Keppa (supposed to be the first bishop of St. Thomas Christians ordained by the Apostle Thomas) at Mylapore as soon as they heard about his martyrdom of Apostle Thomas (Rambanpattu, 427-428). Apart from the Mylapore pilgrimage, the Christians started the visit to Kodungaloor too. During the pilgrimage, they used to sing the songs traditionally sung and make it a prayerful experience.

b.    Vazhipādu (Nercha)

Thērthadanam was part of vazhipādu or nercha (Commitment). In order to gain some special blessings and favours, the faithful with devotion made this commitment to God that they would make a serious sacrifice in their life, doing that pilgrimage and as preparation some abstinence and fasting. It seems that this vazhipādu or nercha to do the pilgrimage was scrupulously fulfilled by St. Thomas Christians. In connection with the feasts and festivals of the church, devotees used to make nercha. Sadya or agape services, offerings of edibles and other objects and noimbu (fasts and other acts of penance) formed the important part of such nercha.

c.     Kānikka and prasadam

Kanikka is the love offering offered at the box kept in the pilgrim place. This kanikka was given as part of the sacrifice of the person, given as money or kind. The collected kanikka was later used only for spiritual purposes. And prasadam is that which given from the pilgrim centre to the devotee which was an edible or something useable. When only one person from a family made the thērthadanam, prasadam given from the centre was brought to the family as a holy thing and was shared among the family members and they believed that the merits of the pilgrimage is shared to the family members as well.

8.     Family Prayers

a.    Eesho mishihakku sthudhi āyirikkatte

It is a popular saying among the St. Thomas Christians while they meet others especially the priests and religious, praising God they say, Praise be to Jesus Christ. All members of the family greet each other with this praise prayer daily. Soon after the family prayer, all the members face the family altar and greet the almighty God and then the younger ones approaches from the eldest family member to the youngest to greet with this prayer. This greeting prayer was helpful to unite the family members in love and communion. All the family issues, anger and pains were melted out with this greeting daily before going to bed. This greeting prayer has two parts: The first greeting prayer of Eesho mishihakku sthudhi āyirikkatte is responded with eppozhum eppozhum sthudhi āyirikkatte. This was more often said to the priests towards the end of every prayer gatherings.  

b.    Prayer Room/Family Altar

The altar meant the precious and gracious presence of God.  It was there that the believer presented to his Lord his sacrifices. From early times people have been making altars where they live, turning their domestic place into a sacred space. The altar also spoke of God's indispensable blessings. In some families a room was set apart for the prayers and whereas in others a corner of their main room was set apart for prayer. The pictures are placed in such a way that the people turn to the East. In such cases, pictures of the sacred heart, Blessed Virgin Mary, St. Joseph, Holy Family, and Saints related their parish churches were placed at the altar together with candles and flowers. Those sacred objects received from sacred places including the relics of saints were placed at this family altar.

c.     Dedication of the Bible

In each family, at the centre of the family Altar, a Bible is placed with due respect. The height should be planned in such a way that the children will not be able to take it but the elders are able to read it at any time. The bible shall not be cover with causal papers nor different household papers are not be kept in the Bible. 

d.    Daily Family Prayer

Hearing the Church bells chiming, thrice a day, the angelus prayer was recited in the family. The people used to stop their work and recite this prayer and then continue to do their daily chorus. Holy Scripture and the Cross were held in high veneration. Usually, before or after the common prayer one reads a passage from the bible. In some families they select the passage according to the liturgical calendar of the Church.

After the evening church bell, the family with all the members together started the family prayer, begun with the Angelus and then the Rosary. In some families, canonical prayer of the church (kanona namaskaram) is recited as a family. Divine mercy chaplet has a recent origin that is said in the afternoon at 3 pm. Along with the traditional prayers, each family member may tell one thing from the day for which he or she is grateful to God. Before having food, reciting the table graces is another beautiful tradition kept up in the families. It is also a practice to pray at the family altar

e.     Prayers for the Good Nature

St. Thomas Christians depended for their livelihood much on the nature, the fields, the cattle, etc. Natural calamities, unexpected attacks by the natural lives and sickness very often caused for big loss for the agriculturists.

f.     Holy water

After the blessing of the Holy Water on Holy Saturday, the families bring the holy water home and place it near the entrance of their home.  it is kept at the font beside the front door and each time those who go out and come in, bless themselves with the Holy Water.

9.     Dress Code and Ornaments

The male used to wear an ornamented piece of cloth called mundu, tied round the waist downwards to the knees. Usually they did not cover their chest side except for solemn occasions where they used a decorated white cloth thrown over the shoulders. The males also used ornaments at their ears, arms and neck. They used to grow their hair fully and tie up and arrange it in such a manner that it is very beautiful and they fixed a golden cross in it. Carrying a spear and other instruments in the hands was normal for the males. Some say that the males beyond sixty grow their beard, become devout, spending their days in fasts and prayers.

Nobility, decency and modesty were manifest in the dress of the Thomas Christian women which indeed helped them to have a high moral stand in their life and practice. They wore a white garment sever yards long, and one and a quarter yard broad. A number of fringes forming a fan like appendage behind rendered their dress artistically elegant. The upper garment was called kuppāyam. When they went to the Church or wanted to meet the priests, they covered with a long piece of white cloth with gold brocade, which is drawn over the head and reaches to the ground leaving nothing but only the face to be seen. The women used to hold an umbrella to avoid being seen by males while they going out. They were very modest in work and behaviour and were satisfied with their household work and the simple surroundings. The females used ornaments which they wore in hands (vala or bracelets), legs (tala or anklets), ears (mekkāmotiram and kammal), and neck (patakkamaala) but never at the nose. Apart from this they used also loin ornaments (ealas), girdle (aranjānam) and rings. They used to grow their hair as lengthy as possible. The earring was used by the girls from the age of six. The widows did not use ornaments. The males and females did not use shoes or sandals.

10. Eating Habits

Apart from some famous curries or dishes, those edibles made up of rice and coconut oil were the most favourite edibles (palaharam) among the St. Thomas Christians. Achappam, kuzhalappam, unniyappam, vatteppam, palappam, kozhikotta, neyyappam, ayani etc. were some of them either fried in coconut oil or prepared in steam. Ordinary food was rice and vegetarian curry. Meat and fish was used only on special occasion like Sundays and feast days. Pork and beef was not used at all. Consuming alcohol was considered to be degradation for the family status. On special occasions, the food was served in banana leafs and the people sat on the floor squatting. People had food with fingers. Supper was served after the family prayers. A rather strict time table was followed for a healthy life. Eating together was also not common. The women did not eat with the men; wives and husbands are not exception to this.

11. Construction of the House and Various Blessings

St. Thomas Christians considered construction of houses to be a holy ceremony. In the villages, they constructed houses facing the east or north, having nearby a stable, well, cattle, garden, farm, etc. Some of the non-Christians practices were adapted by St. Thomas Christians such as finding the position for the house, well, stable which was done by traditionally accepted experts in that field.

Laying the foundation stone was a ceremony done by the head/s of the family but now it is done very often in the presence of the parish priest. Jesus spoke about the corner stone and the construction of the house. Reminding the words of Jesus, a corner stone used to be prepared and blessed by the parish priest embossing a cross in it. Medals of the saints are usually placed in the corner stone as well as in different corners of the foundation of the house too. The close family members used to be invited for the ceremony, including the neighbours and construction workers. Short prayer services were conducted throughout the construction of the house such as at the time of fixing the main door (kattila), the main wooden pillar or beam (utharam), the main roofing or concreting the roof (puramechil), etc.

Once the construction of the house is over, it was a practice to dedicate the house to the Lord, blessing the house by the Parish priest. During the preparation for the blessing, near the family altar, a traditional para and nilavilakku are kept on the floor. The family members including the extended family members fill the para with a handful of paddy. Towards the end, the head of the family fills the para above its brim. Before beginning the ceremony, the people used to gather at the courtyard and the parish priest used to give the key of the house to the head of the family who will open the main entrance of the house and invite everyone to enter into the prayer hall. The prayer service starts by lighting the nilavilakku. The parish priest and then the eldest to the youngest of the family light the lamp. The reading of the epistle and the prayer of the faithful are done by the family members. The family dedication prayer (kudumba prathishta) is led by the father or mother of the family. The priest blesses not only the house but the whole area including the land, well, etc. After the prayer, the parish priest light a candle from nilavilakku and reaches the kitchen and entrust it to the mother of the family who light the stove. Milk is kept at the stove for the first time and traditionally it is understood that the milk has to boil and overflow as a symbol of prosperity. Everyone present there is given from that milk and sweet edibles.

12. House Blessing and Dedication to the Sacred Heart

House blessing is an ancient tradition practiced by the Syro-Malabar families and the priests whenever visited the house used to bless it. Now-a-days the house blessing is done once in a year or two. It is usually performed by the parish priest who while praying for the occupants, sprinkles holy water as he walks through every room of the house, accompanied by the head of the family or other occupants of the house. Blessings, employed by Catholics usually incorporate a picture of Sacred Heart of Jesus, Christ's crucifixion and other related pictures.

The Church celebrates the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus on the Friday following the second Sunday after Pentecost. The Month of June is dedicated to the Sacred Heart. The enthronement will restore the family to Christ because the family is putting Our Lord and His interest first. In return the Sacred Heart takes over the interests of the family.

Now a days we have a solemn celebration of First Friday of every month, specially dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with occasion for confession, adoration to the Blessed Sacrament, special prayers etc. The other family members make it a point to make the arrangements for their sick family members who are unable to go to the church for confession and the Holy Communion on the First Friday.

13. Family-Centred Catechetical Formation

The family is the cradle of catechesis by which faith was handed down from generation to generation. There is no comprehensive and chronological exposition of the history of catechesis done in the families. Hence, many things have to be traced from the historical documents and living traditions of the Church. The basic catechism and prayers were taught by the grandparents and parents in the families. The Kathanars (priests) who had their training from the Malpans were the main catechists among the St. Thomas Christians. The Aashan Kalaries were also centres for the catechetical instruction for children. Here, the children were taught the fundamental prayers and principles of faith, even by non-Christian Aashans.

In the early times of the Church, faith was handed down from one generation to the next mainly through community and family-centred catechesis by means of reciting the prayers and customary practices. The catechesis of the St. Thomas Christians was not formal and systematic; it was traditionally but informally handed over. The customary and traditional practices of the St. Thomas Christians both in the family and community were the best places of catechesis.   

14. Family Values

The family of St. Thomas Christians replicated it as the original cell of the natural society in which husband and wife were called to give themselves in love and in the gift of life. Authority, stability, and a life of relationships within the family constituted the foundations for freedom, security, and fraternity within society. The family is the community in which, from childhood, one can learn moral values, begin to honor God, and make good use of freedom. Family life is an initiation into life in society. The family should live in such a way that its members learn to care and take responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, the poor, the widows, etc. (CCC No. 2207, 2208). The manners, appearances and the behaviour patterns of a person tell us who he is and what his faith is. The Syrian Christians are a fine race of people whose manners were rather ceremonious, but full of simplicity, honest race with deepest truthfulness.

St. Thomas Christians led a life in joint-families. The grant father, if absent, the father was the head of the family. The parents and elders (teachers, governors and spiritual leaders) were respected to its core and very courteous towards the strangers and foreigners. Showing respect to others is so common that they are particular not to sit in the presence of their parents, seniors, elder brothers and superiors of any kind. These courteous manners and respect towards the authorities helped them to keep peace and unity in the land.

All the relatives of both father and mother were respected and invited to be part of any family celebration. It was customary to invite all paternal and maternal relatives for parish feasts, marriages, and commemoration of the dead and other functions. Any time of the day, the relatives were welcome. Once the guests came, even without informing, they were treated with great hospitability, and shared with them whatever was available.

The head of family was given the primary importance in the family and his decisions always prevailed. The other family members always spoke to him with great respect and fear and did not dare to fool around with him. Equal to the respect given to him, he was to act according to the principles of justice, equity, and lead the family, in most of the cases joint-family, to a proper direction. He divided the property with justice and equity rather than the principle of equality. He helped the poor and needy with generosity and compassion. The head of the family distributed money and small financial assistance to all his close relatives who attended the special occasions.

15. Role of the Family Members

In order to live together in peace and harmony, each member of the family is to do the duties and responsibilities well. St. Thomas Christians had certain traditions in this regard as well. The distribution of household chores depends on the age, sex, and health of every member. The father, traditionally the head of family, is the breadwinner and chief provider of the family. He makes the major family decisions together with mother and with the help of other members. All the external affairs are done by the father who involves also his male children as per their age and ability. The mother is the manager of the family affairs inside the family. She supervises and coordinates the household tasks, fetching water, takes care of the children, plans and prepares the family meals. Today, mothers also help earn a living to increase the family income. The management of the family finances including the budgeting was the primary duty of the father but the mother constantly involved with the same, giving opinions to the father. The girls help the mother in doing the household chores. These include dusting and sweeping, preparing the meals, setting and clearing the table. The older girls attend to washing, ironing clothes and taking care of younger brothers and sisters. The boys are usually assigned the heavy work in the house. This includes going to the market with the father or alone, planting and watering the plants, cleaning the yard. Carpentry work is assigned to older boys who can help father in making repairs in the house. Nowadays, father and mother, as well as girls and boys in the family, share in almost all the house works. There are times the home activities of one family may differ from those of other families. The difference may depend on the size and income of the family. Families with big income can afford to hire outside help who can do most of the household task. Families with small income have to distribute the household task among members.

16. Kudumba Koottayma

Taking Family units called Kudumbakoottayma if effectively conducted can serve as a powerful link between families and the parish unit. Strong ties with the neibhouring families and the way they helped each other and formed a communion is an amazing factor among St. Thomas Christians. Kudumba koottayma brought the neighbouring families together and with the spirit of the first Christian community, the people prayed together and learnt the Bible. They discussed the issues of the locality, of the society, of the parish, of the diocese and of the Church at large during these family unit gatherings. 

17. Family as the “Domestic Church”.

Home became the place where the early Christians met to pray and celebrated the Eucharist before they moved into Churches. In the family parents, by their word and example, are the first messengers of God and the first preachers of the faith to their children. Jesus learnt the formulas of prayer from his mother (CCC 2599). Church defends the right of parents as the first and primary educators of the faith. The whole family lead a pro-sacramental life. They received sacraments at proper time as per the traditions. A big number of people attended the daily mass. All the family members except those sick, physically handicap, and hindered by job did not attend the Sunday Holy Qurbana. They had a great respect for the Bishops, Priests, Religious, and seminarians. From the good things of the family, the family members were always ready to share things with the parish priests and the religious. Nurturing vocation to priestly and religious life was taken very seriously by the families. They not only took proud in promoting vocation but also avoided everything which may harm the vocations. An atmosphere was created by the families where the children could convincingly respond to the divine call. During the malpanate system, the families contributed the needs of the study of the seminarians. 

18. Family Migration: Agent of Evangelization

The history of humankind is a history of migration. History teaches us that migration is a great means of evangelization. Migrants are the ambassadors of Christ and the Church. St. Thomas Christians were courageous and bold people who got migrated to different parts of the world. Migration has great missionary and pastoral implications. Migrants, with certain formation in the family traditions, impart those traditions in the migrant places. Each migrant family has to preserve and hand down to others, for the benefit of the believers and the whole world, what it has inherited. The Individual family witnesses Jesus not in his or her individual capacity but as the part of the Church as evangelization is an ecclesial act. If it is an ecclesial act, it should be done by individuals or groups in communion with the Church, in accordance with the Individual ecclesial and spiritual traditions of the Church.  

19. Family Name

20. Family Traditions for a stable Society

One can admire at the stability of the families of St. Thomas Christians. In fact the families with the strongest ties tend to have the most traditions because such traditions create and reinforce a sense of security among the family members. When we do something again and again over the years and through the generations, we tie together our past and our present. We link year to year, childhood to adulthood, grandparent to child to grandchild, with shared experiences, values and memories. Consistent family customs provide regular, familiar patterns for a rhythm of life together. They add an element of predictability to the cycle of family life that's both comfortable and comforting. Customs that contribute to a family's uniqueness can give its members a sense of who they are and where they belong. It gives us a chance to say, "this is the way our family does it." Thus traditions serve as a counterbalance to the intense pressure on youth to identify with their peers instead of their families. Meaningful customs build a sense of closeness that endures even long after children are grown and gone. Observing special days and events gives us a chance to pause and reflect on our lives, to think about what's most important and to share that with our children. Family customs related to spirituality are much more than simple words or acts. The stable families are the foundation stones and pillars of a stable society.

Books referred:

1.       Thazhath Andrews, The Juridical Sources of the Syro-Malabar Church (A Historico-Juridical Study), No. 106, OIRSI, Kottayam, 1987.

2.       Pathikulangara Varghese, Thomayude Margam, No. 24, Denha Services, Kottayam 1988.

3.       Menachery George, Glimpses of Nazraney Heritage, Saras, Thrissur, 2005.

4.       Manakatt Mathew and Puthenveettil Jose (Eds.), Syro-Malabar Theology in Context, No. 292, OIRST, Kottayam, 2007.

5.       Thottakkara Augustine, East Syrian Spirituality, CIIS, Kerala 1990.

6.       Koodapuzha Xavier, The Canonical Sources of the Syro-Malabar Church, No. 104, OIRSI, Kottayam, 1986.

7.       Thadikkattu Geo, Marthoma Christyanikalude Parambaryangal, No. 113, ORISI, Kottayam, 1988.

8.       Eranattu Jacob, Kudumba Liturgy, Mar Louis Book Centre, Cochin 1999.

9.       Mathoth Kurian, Marthomma christianikalude Sabha Noottandukalilude, Deepanalam Publications, Pala 2008.

10.   Mukkadan Antony, Marthommaslihayum Malankarayum, Mar Louis Memorial Press, Alwaye 1949.