IDENTITY OF THE ST. THOMAS CATHOLIC MIGRANTS

IDENTITY OF THE
ST. THOMAS CATHOLIC MIGRANTS

Mar Thomas Elavanal

Introduction

It is with immense joy and gratitude to the Lord that I

stand before this august audience gathered together at this

ARC in Panvel, to address a few words on this occasion of the

Silver Jubilee Symposium of the Eparchy of Kalyan. Just as

when a ship sails through the vast ocean, making ripples and

waves to float along through the sea far and wide, the

Eparchy of Kalyan, though small in population having around

one lakh faithful only, yet wide in its territory, comprising of

15 districts of Maharashtra, has sailed along for 25 years,

making its divine, spiritual, and social impact over the

humankind, having its effects far and wide. 25 years is not a

short span of existence nor can we call it a long period of time

of performance as regards the existence of the Church. Yet by

the Grace of God, we have gone far ahead, and farther than

our own expectation. May I call it a 25 years of Glorious

Existence!

1. Aim of the Silver Jubilee Symposium

Adhering faithfully to its Vision Statement, “An Ideal

Syro-Malabar Catholic Community with holistic pastoral

care, committed to effective evangelization and integral

development of the people of Maharashtra,” the Eparchy of

Kalyan is convinced and committed to the all-round wellbeing

of the Syro-Malabar catholic migrants who have moved

out from Kerala to the various parts of Maharashtra. It is our

earnest desire to contribute, from our experience, our share

to those who are committed to gathering the folks which are

still in the Diasporas both inside and outside India.

In this symposium we want to discuss about the ‘Identity

of the St. Thomas Catholic Migrants’, and to emphasize how

important it is to keep up the ecclesial identity of the

migrants of any sui juris Church. We have to think also about

the ways and means of keeping up this identity. We begin our

study and discussion with a search for the origin of

Christianity in India.

2. St. Thomas Catholics

The origin of Christianity in India is traced back to the

Apostle St. Thomas. There is a living tradition and strong

faith that St. Thomas came to south India and established

seven churches and Christian communities. Recent scholarly

study makes it clear that St. Thomas on his first missionary

journey came to different parts of North India too. The

Apostle might have journeyed through Western Maharashtra

and the Konkan region and have established communities in

the first century itself, of which the prominent one was that

of Kalyan, where St. Bartholomew also is believed to have

preached. Here we need to look into the origin, growth,

extinction, migration and reestablishment of the St. Thomas

Christians in the various parts of the country. We have to

make also a concerted effort to rediscover the lost Christian

heritage of Maharashtra.

3. The Syro-Malabar Liturgy

By the title ‘St. Thomas Catholic migrants’ we mean

primarily the members of the Syro-Malabar Church. But it

implies a question whether the name of the Church ‘Syro

Malabar’ is to be preserved everywhere even outside India as

integral part of the identity of the Church. Whether the

identity of this Church, and the community of faithful is

identical with this name. There was a proposal that the name

of the Church be Indo-Chaldean or Chaldeo-Indian. What is

intimately related to its identity is that its liturgy has been

East Syrian or Chaldean from the early centuries. Though

there are four constituent elements for any particular

2 Mar Thomas Elavanal Chapter 1

Church, its theology, liturgy, spirituality and canonical

discipline, a Church is usually named after its liturgy like

Latin Church, Syro-Malabar Church, Syro Malankara Church

et al. But when we talk about identity we have to take these

elements in its integrity.

4. Migration

First of all it is necessary, to have a clear idea about

migration. Migration in simple terms means a temporary or

permanent transfer of residence. In this sense migration

seems to be a universal phenomenon of all ages and today

migration on an unprecedented scale is taking place all over

the world. Indian cities too have witnessed increasing

presence of migrant Christians. Besides, many people

migrate to the metropolitan cities of the world in search of

job opportunities. There has been a continuous process of

migration of Syro-Malabar faithful too out of the traditional

hub of Christianity, i.e. Kerala to the various cities, the world

over.

Migration has many implications due to demographic,

religious, political, cultural and economic changes. Usually

the life of the migrant Christians is exposed to many

problems and difficulties in the new socio-cultural

atmosphere because of the inadequate living conditions and

due to the lack of pastoral care. This calls for the urgency of

rendering adequate and immediate attention including the

proper pastoral care for these migrant Christians.

5. Care of the Migrants

The first generations of the migrant families are

reluctant, sometimes, to go to the local parish community

except perhaps for an occasional Mass and liturgical services

in Lent or Christmas season. They may not have much

contact with the local parish either. Language and culture are

big barriers for these migrants. Even the reception of

sacraments becomes difficult because many are not able to

Chapter 1 Key Note Address 3

make their confessions and recite prayers in English or in the

local language. Hence these migrants have always faced

difficulties in their Christian life and spiritual practices.

There are several thousands of students belonging to

Syro Malabar Church pursuing various courses in

institutions run by Catholic as well as non-Catholic agencies

in the big cities. The number of employed bachelors also is

big. Since they have come for studies or for temporary work,

and will go back after a few years, they do not take interest in

learning the language of the place nor do they get integrated

into the local community. Most of them will like to be

anonymous and would not live their faith unless they get

proper attention in their own language and tradition. This is

the case in all the metro cities of India, and of the cities

abroad.

So far the Syro Malabar Church could not make a

scientific survey of our migrant faithful outside the proper

territory in India and abroad because of the lack of

permission from the concerned authorities. Still the Synodal

Commission for Evangelization and Pastoral Care of the

Migrants made a study to get the number of our migrant

faithful both in India and abroad. It is given in the directory of

Syro Malabar Migrants published in 2013. The study shows

that there are more than 8, 00,000 Syro-Malabar Catholic

migrants living outside the jurisdiction of the Syro-Malabar

Eparchies. Almost half of them are in Gulf countries. Only a

well-founded statistics will help us to formulate and

understand how this migration process takes place and what

its spiritual, religious and theological implications are. It is

also necessary that the Church involves itself in forming an

appropriate theology of migration.

We want to discuss in this symposium also about the

various steps taken by the Holy See for the pastoral care of

the migrants. The Eparchy of Kalyan, Chicago and Faridabad

are prominent examples. In this context I would like to

gratefully remember and acknowledge the meaningful steps

already taken by both the Latin and Syro-Malabar hierarchy

for pastoral care in India. Here the initiatives taken by the

former bishop of Pune Rt. Rev. Valerian D’Souza is worth

mentioning. He established separate parishes for the

pastoral care of the members of Syro-Malabar Church

already in 1984 and requested the Syro-Malabar Bishop’s

Conference to send priests to be appointed parish priests in

charge of Syro-Malabar faithful. Accordingly MST fathers

were entrusted with the responsibility of pastoral care in

these areas.

6. Urgency of Action

It is needless to say that Churches have the duty to give

due pastoral care to their faithful wherever they are. Hence,

there is urgency in taking adequate measures for the pastoral

care of the Syro-Malabar migrants both in India and abroad.

It is urgent because the slower the pace of action the more

the time required to bring them back to the consciousness of

the identity as belonging to an Oriental Church. One of the

results of migration is that a community becomes uprooted

from the soil of its cultural background and context. The first

generation of migrants who are uprooted are usually

estranged in the local situation. They often become

anonymous in the large majority of the faithful of other

Churches and peoples of other religions. It may lead them to an

indifference to the practice of religion and even to the loss of

faith. Some, on the other hand may join non-Catholic

communitiesbecausetheyareverymuchinfluencedbythem.

The second generation of these migrants may not even

have the awareness that they belong to another sui juris

Church. It has become the need of today, to hand over

faithfully the ecclesial tradition and spirituality of the St.

Thomas Christians to the next generation. At the same time it

is also necessary that, keeping up the identity of the Church,

the migrants try to be inculturated especially in their

language, practices and customs. Thus the Church is called to

take creative initiatives to preserve its ecclesial identity in a

multicultural-linguistic and religious context, living it

faithfully and imparting it meticulously.

The reality that the faith dies out if proper care is not

given for the nourishment of faith life of the migrants in their

unfamiliar situations has motivated the Church to be actively

involved in pastoral care of her children. The lack of proper

pastoral care for the migrants has several consequences such

as: the loss of sense of oneness with the Mother Church, lack

of proper liturgical life, lack of proper religious instruction, a

feeling of isolation from the rest of the community and steep

decline of priestly and religious vocations. Hence the

pastoral care within the same country or abroad has been

one of the growing concerns of the different churches both

Catholic and Non-catholic, in the modern times.

7. Theological Basis

The reason for separate pastoral care is more theological

and practical. In Canon 11 of the CCEO the basic dignity and

equality of all Christian faithful is enshrined. This

fundamental right to spiritual care has been given legal

protection in Canon 16 and 17.

It is the belongingness to a particular sui juris Church in

the Catholic communion that entails special pastoral care.

The right of the faithful to worship in one’s own liturgical

tradition and to live as a Christian in accordance with one’s

ecclesial heritage is rooted in baptism by which a person is

incorporated as a member in a specific sui juris Church.

Parallel to the right to worship in one’s own sui juris

Church, there is also an obligation of the Christian faithful to

know, retain and promote their rites (CCEO, cc. 39-41). This

juridical norm is underlined again in Erga Migrantes Caritas

Chrisiti No. 52. The members of each sui juris Church are

bound to foster the knowledge and esteem of the rite of their

Church and to observe them everywhere.

6 Mar Thomas Elavanal Chapter 1

India is a country where the faithful of the three different

sui juris Churches namely Latin, Syro-Malabar and Syro-

Malankara live in the same geographical area. They may have

the same language and the same cultural traits, but they have

different rites as far as their Church belongingness is

concerned. Therefore it is essential that the migrants from

each of these Churches get pastoral care consonant to their

ecclesial traditions. It is in this context that we have to think

about the need of pastoral care in view of the ecclesial

identity of the Syro-Malabar migrants. Sometimes this

question is asked: Why should there be special parishes and

chaplains for the Syro-Malabar faithful? Is it not sufficient

that one of the Latin priests be deputed to celebrate liturgy in

their language? Here ecclesial difference is forgotten and

seen merely as difference in language.

8. Eparchy of Kalyan

The Eparchy of Kalyan is the first one erected for the

Syro-Malabar migrants. Even before the establishment of the

Eparchy, the faithful of the Syro-Malabar Church were

particular to keep up their ecclesial traditions. They availed

themselves of the spiritual services of the priests and

chaplains from Syro-Malabar Church. They were more

concerned about having liturgy in their language and to have

celebrations of feast according to their tradition. But, when

this Eparchy was erected even some of these faithful

questioned about the need and relevance of a new Eparchy

where there is already Latin diocese and parishes, because,

they identified Sui Juris Church with language groups. I think

the same persons who have become the members of the

Eparchy are now in a position to give the answer to these

questions. Here we place on record the zealous and

committed efforts put in by the first bishop of the Eparchy

Mar Paul Chittlapilly and the pioneers who collaborated with

him. They have sailed us along all the thick and thin of its

growth and existence. They laid the strong foundation for the

Eparchy. The Eparchy of Kalyan will ever be greatly indebted

to them.

9. Double Jurisdiction

There were apprehensions whether the question of

double jurisdiction of Latin and Syro-Malabar Churches in

the same territory will cause confusion or tension among the

Eparchies. But the experience of the past 25 years is a strong

witness not only of the peaceful co-existence but of

collaboration and mutual enrichment.

The Eparchy of Kalyan gets involved in the organization

of the pastoral care, evangelization and integral

development in 15 districts of Maharashtra, being coexistence

with five Latin Dioceses. I would proudly acclaim

the collaboration and the unified action of the Syro-Malabar

and Latin Dioceses in this regard. Both together have

contributed much to the social and religious development of

its members and the Society and the proclamation of the

Gospel.

10. Fruits of Pastoral Care

Due importance has been always given to the proper

faith formation of the children and the youth. One of the

visible fruits of the pastoral care in the proper ecclesial

tradition is the increase in the number of vocations to

priesthood and religious life. From among the children who

got pastoral care and faith formation after the establishment

of the Eparchy, we have 35 vocations to priesthood and 28 to

religious life.

Besides all the youth remain always dynamically

involved in the various activities of the Church. We made a

study among the youth of our Eparchy. The study is very

revealing. The youth who got ecclesial formation after the

establishment of our Eparchy are very much attached to the

Church. From among them almost 95% are very active and

are in the main stream of the activities of the Church,

whereas from among those who were grown up as youth

before the establishment of the Eparchy, almost 60 % only

nominally or rarely get involved in the activities of our

parish. Some of them do not even prefer to be considered as

the members of the Syro-Malabar Church. Now they have

become young couples in the Eparchy. Here I want to

emphasize the importance of proper ecclesial formation to

children and youth so that they may know and love their

Mother Church.

Our Family Unit System has lead to better relations and

understanding among the families and better collaboration

with the activities of the Church both in spiritual and social

fields. As a result the grown up members of the parishes are

also equally active. Our experience teaches us that only

proper pastoral care for the migrant community will keep

them attached to the Church. I think that, all will agree when I

say that, the Eparchy of Kalyan may be taken as a model for

the successful pastoral care of the migrants. Following the

model of the Eparchy of Kalyan, other ecclesial units are also

awaiting their actualization into an Eparchy. At present they

render pastoral help to the faithful through parishes and

pastors appointed by the local hierarchs.

11. Vision Statement of the Eparchy

The mission of the Eparchy is envisaged to have three

dimensions. Our vision statement clearly delineates them:

“Holistic pastoral care, effective evangelization and integral

development of the people of Maharashtra.” The Eparchy is

not concerned exclusively about the pastoral care of

migrants but contributes equally towards the

evangelization.

The Eparchy has a vast area of 10 districts as mission

fields entrusted to four religious congregations. There are

almost 95 Priests and 180 Sisters working in these four

mission territories where there are only very few Catholics.

As a result of the intense missionary activity of the priests

and religious in the missions a few centres of new Marathi

Christian communities could also be established.

Our Eparchy could contribute towards the integral

development of the people and the society. Through the

Department of Social Action of the Eparchy including the

four missions, the Eparchy of Kalyan is rendering

commendable social service especially in the fields of rural

development, empowerment of women, education for the

marginalized, support for the HIV infected and affected

people, orphans, and the physically and mentally challenged.

12. Vision for the Next Generation

One of the central themes of Lumen Gentium of II Vatican

Council is that the Catholic Church is the communion of

different individual Churches. Hence all the faithful should

have the basic knowledge about the existence of different

Rites in the Church and that diversity of Rites is not against

the unity in the Church. Everyone must understand that

one’s membership in the Catholic Church is only through the

membership in a Sui Juris Church. Hence one should know

one’s Church, love and be proud of being the member of that

Sui Juris Church. In our Catechism Anthem children are

taught to sing “We are proud of being a community of love .....

in the Eparchy of Kalyan, as children of one God.” The

ecclesial tradition and the spiritual patrimony of our Church

should be well explained to them and they should be initiated

to the Christian life in accordance with the spirituality of our

Church. Pope Francis in his encyclical letter Lumen Fidei

teaches us that ‘The Church, like every family passes on to her

children the store of her patrimony. It is through her

sacraments celebrated in the Church’s liturgy that this

patrimony is handed over to the children’ (No. 40).

So, Catechism should help the children to understand

and to participate meaningfully and actively in the Liturgy

and to live meaningfully the ecclesial life. The role of the

parents and especially the grandparents is important in the

faith formation of the children. Their example through life

and prayer is the decisive factor in the formation of the

children. Here we are reminded of the context of Kerala

where the grandparents took special interest in the faith

formation and religious instruction of their grandchildren

which may be lacking among the migrant families.

13. The Futuristic Vision

The symposium shall be aimed at creating a futuristic

vision on the migrants too. In the present global scenario, at

the ecumenical and inter-religious fields, unity of action

becomes imperative for the faith transmission, pastoral life

and evangelization. The roles of the migrants are not

forgotten in these aspects too. The migrant Church has a

great contribution to make to the society, especially in the

spiritual, social-charitable, cultural and political fields. We

also try to discover and distinguish the contribution which

the migrant community has made towards peace, harmony

and development of India. We have to learn more about the

major issues and challenges that the migrants face especially

the moral values and principles practised among the

migrants, decrease in birth rate, unstable family bonds,

social insecurity, anonymity, loneliness and such other

issues.

Having the vision statement clear in our minds, we wish

to push ahead our dreams with greater fervour and

faithfulness, following the example of St. Thomas the father

of our faith. May this Silver Jubilee Symposium be fruitful and

enriching for all of us.

CHALLENGES OF THE MIGRANT FAMILIES IN MEGA CITIES

CHALLENGES OF THE MIGRANT FAMILIES IN MEGA CITIES

Fr. (Dr.) Francis Eluvathingal

1      Issues Related to Migration:

The entire history of humankind has been a history of migration. People are always on the move. Generally the reasons for migration are desire for improvement of one's own life situation, a search for new goals, an attempt for survival, quest for a new meaning and fulfilment in the transitory existence on earth etc. Migration is one of the characteristics and integral part of the modern world. The adventurous mind of the people, looking for greener pastures, was always encouraged by own family and the Church. The contribution of the educational institutions in Kerala equipped them to go far and wide across the globe. The migrants, having settled in different places across the globe, are grown to the second and further generations and have become the children of the soil.

2     Adaptation of First Generation and Integration of their Children:

A migrant is transplanted into another culture, language and environment. He loses his friends and relatives. But this sense of loss is substituted by the inner urge for economic success. The first generation migrant works hard and is ready to bear hardships so that he can get settled in the new situation. Often his psychological and religious needs are not satisfied. In this stage, normally one tends to lose or willingly lose his former cultural identity which he thinks would be a hindrance to his future progress. And yet, his is nostalgic of the past and cherishes his previous identity. He is adapted and not integrated. The second and further generations of the migrants learn in the new mother tongue and possibly speaking parents’ language at home, could be living in two worlds. They are forced to grow with two allegiances. Often parents speak of their old tradition and customs with great pride and instruct the children of the ‘lost values’. At this level, integration is most difficult and the children face a cultural dilemma. In this situation, the children themselves learn to take a balanced level of adjusting to the newer demands of the present environment, still retain a core experience from their parents’ identity. Neither losing their parents’ identity fully nor merging to the new culture totally would be ideal. Even though the second generation goes through this problem severely, for the third and further generations, integration would be easier.

3     Difficulties the Families Face:

Migrant families have suffered tremendous difficulties to live their faith as per the mind of the Church. Ignorance or negligence of living their patrimony caused them to lose the original traditions, rituals and spirituality of their mother church. The parents continue to toil hard to transmit the faith and tradition to the new generation through living the family value system, cultural traditions and ritual practices. By upholding sanctity of marriage, fidelity in marriage, maintaining family ties and reputation they carried forward this legacy even in the multi-cultural situations of the migrant areas. The onslaught of globalization, consumerism, nuclear family culture, imitation of the western culture, development of technology and the resultant misuse of it, workaholism, wreaked havoc in the faith life have shaken the family roots among the migrants in the mega cities. Mixed marriages and disparity of cult marriages are on the increase among the catholic migrants. Our traditional arranged marriages, where parties could reflect about the qualities of the other persons for a successful married life are reduced to 60-70%, and the love marriages are glorified as individual freedom in making the choice about the partner. The youngsters grow in school and colleges where girl-boy friends system is depicted as sign of manhood/womanhood. The dangers involved in these marriages and failure of family life among the migrant young couples cannot be neglected. Not finding a suitable partner from own community, not getting married even in forties, not having a proper vision for life, luxuries and frequent weekend vacations, serious lack of human and family values, egoistic and self-centred life are some other dangers that have badly affected the migrant younger generation. 

4     Family Relations among Migrants:

Present migrant situations carry with it new problems in the family relations. Most of the migrant families are very small. They suffer from lack of family bond and hence lack of strength. The children are provided with everything. They are not given the training to take up hardships. They are unaware of the pain and hard work even the value of money. The life time hard work of the parents is lavishly spoiled by some irresponsible children. Once the children grow up, the parents totally depend on them as they do not have other relatives in the migrant places. This situation affects the growth of their wedded children. The strain and stress of the job situations, increased financial burdens and loans, lack of other family members for offering a helping hand, etc. contribute tremendously to the pressure of the young families and they are not able to cope with the rigorous schedule of family life. These situations force them to neglect their prayer life and Sunday obligations etc. For the growth in faith, the small children need models and witnesses. The grand-parents who were also god-parents used to take initiatives for handing over the faith to their grand-children.

5     Youth and the Young Families:

Youth and young families are the highest in the number of migrants. Modern communication systems, lifestyle, entertainments etc. influence them very fast. There is anonymity in the cities and the Churches are not able to identify the migrants in their respective areas, due to the lack of information, infrastructure, systems etc. The young men and women lack initiatives to reach out their parishes as their priority is their work, financial stability and social living status. Among the migrant families, also because of lack of space in small flats or houses, most of the young families live separately from their parents and no much chance to hand over the faith their newly born grand-children. The young parents with their hopes and dreams for their children’s future reserve little space for their spirituality. Spreading secularized mentality deviate the younger minds to have only secular values. The children are not trained to share the time, talents and gifts with the less privileged brethren. Family prayer, family meal, family sharing and family entertainments, family pilgrimages and picnics become more and more absent.

6      Modern Marriages:

In this changed times, one may be surprised to see different types of marriages among the migrants such as arranged marriages, love marriages, civil marriage between two free persons, civil marriage between one divorcee and the other free, marriage between two divorcees, marriages between one/both living separately without obtaining civil divorce or ecclesiastical nullity, marriage into other religion, marriage of convenience, living together of free or divorced, etc. On observing deeply the marriages contracted in the Churches, one will come across different categories of marriages which may sound incredible. They are the marriages between two staunch Catholics, one practising and another non-practising catholic, two non-practising Catholics, one practising Catholic and another practising non-Catholic, one practising Catholic and another non-practising Non-Catholic, one non-practising Catholic and another non-practising Non-Catholic, one Catholic and another Oriental non-Catholic, one Catholic and another non-oriental non-Catholic, one Catholic and another from Christian sects, One Catholic and a non-Christian with a Religion, one Catholic and an atheist so on and so forth.

7     Tribunal Experiences:

Falling in love is on the rise nowadays. The parents insist that a Catholic should get married only to another Catholic especially when they come to know about the religiosity of the other party. This situation often forces the Catholic party to heed the plea of the parents and finally give consent to marry a Catholic, at the same time; they secretly continue the relationship with the person in love. This obviously leads to the break of marriage and they approach the tribunal for the declaration of the marriage null and void. Some love marriages between Catholics and non-christians are contracted with the provision of the disparity of cult. But when they start living together, the faith matters a lot for each one. But the disparity leads to conflicts especially when there are children. Undue interference of the parents in the family life and decision making of the children leads to the break of marriage. Over possessiveness is found to be another reason. The Church insists that a person must have sufficient development of their faculties of intellect and will, to be able to judge and to will a truly human act. As marriage involves a decision, discretion of judgment refers to the capacity of intellect and will to specifically evaluate, decide and freely enter marriage. Intellectual maturity is the most basic level expected in the adults who make a commitment for whole life. But unfortunately in some adults this reasoning is overpowered by only emotions. Still worse situations occur when this reasoning is done by some other minds like parents, or other kith and kin other than the contracting parties.

8     Some Solutions:

a.      Living family traditions will help the effective preservation and transmission of faith among the migrants. They are to identify these traditions and should take efforts to follow them faithfully. The spirituality of daily Family prayer should be brought back at a fixed time by all the members of the family. Bible reading, dedication prayers, prayer of the faithful, etc. are to be also made part of this prayer. Apart from attending the Holy Qurbana, the Sunday Observance and other spiritual nourishment are to be encouraged. Fasting and abstinence are very dear to our family tradition. The practice of abstinence (nombu for 50, 25, 15, 8 and 3 days and all Fridays) is to be observed besides the days of fasting. The observance of Friday abstinence is to be promoted intensely. Theerthadanavum vazhippadum (Pilgrimages and vows) to religious and holy places are to be promoted and families to be helped to fulfil this religious practice.

b.       Sunday Catechism is an effective means of transmission of faith which needs to be effectively conducted for migrant children. As migrants have left the natives at their 20’s, the lost enthusiasm is to be renewed and enkindled. The traditional method of catechesis may not be always suitable for catering to the needs of the migrants and hence we need to broaden the horizons to effectively carry out this mission to all the migrants. To renew the faith and spirituality of the elders in the family, adult catechism through some seminars and sessions should be implemented on priority.

c.       The role and significance of fatherhood needs to be emphasized and empowered institutionally and individually. The boys should be groomed and empowered. The newly married should be accompanied by the elders in the family to make sure their mature growth. They are to be encouraged to take up the role of responsible parents. The Church needs to take special pastoral accompaniment for them.

d.      There should be an insistence that all those who get married in the church should attend the marriage preparation course and no exemption is given whatsoever. In fact the marriage preparation course shall not be restricted only to three days programme just before the marriage but it should be planned in such a way that in every state they prepare with sufficient information for a successful married life. Non-Christians attend the course with reluctance, but after the course, they show satisfaction of having participated and find it an enriching experience. Apart from sessions on various topics related to family life, this three-day long marriage preparation course includes opportunity for marriage counseling, confession, etc. The course is conducted in English.

e.      The concept of arranged marriages is to be understood with clarity especially about the decision making on marriage. Decision forced on their children by the parents is undesirable as per the letter and spirit of the law. At the same time, many feel insecure for a decision taken by the contracting parties alone as it lacks perfection. I would say, a perfect decision making on marriage should be a process where the contracting parties take the final decision with the constant assistance and involvement of the parents who help them to evaluate and decide. A decision for marriage made by the parents against the will of the contracting parties is unjustified.

f.        Marriages are made in heaven, which we solemnize on earth. Human person is a composite of body, mind and soul. Solemnization of a marriage is not just a spiritual ceremony happening in the church where only the soul is involved. But it is solemn moment of officially exchanging the consent for an already taken decision where mind and body are involved. A boy and a girl who take a decision for their whole life need to have basic knowledge about the other person. The migrant community must uphold the traditional values of entering into marriage with sanctity of life but at the same time the parents show much openness towards knowing each other.

g.      Unfortunately “falling in love” is a trap where many of our youngsters are unable to take decision with due discretion involving their intellect and will. The youngsters say that they just fall in love. One is blind to the demerits of the other when one falls in love. It is dangerous when the youngsters get married only because they are in love. In such cases, being in love is the only reason or quality for marriage. They do not consider many other key factors that are very important for a successful married life. Love need not be the only component that sustains a whole life together but rather is one of the many components. Rather than just marrying the one whom one loves, it is necessary to love the one whom one marries.

h.      Nowadays, one of the major problems in love marriage is having different faiths. If our youngsters consider disparity of cult marriages as the fashion of the day, living our faith as one family will be almost impossible and it will result in the disintegration of the family; thus the stability of the family and community will be at stake. Conversion of heart only should lead to conversion to another religion. Sometimes some non-Christians get converted only for the sake of getting married. In these cases usually there is no living of faith in the families. The children, even if they are baptized, are not given opportunities of family prayers, Sunday obligations, nor sent for catechism classes. In some cases, once the marriage is over, even if they are converted Catholics, they go back to their original religion and do not care for living their new faith.

i.        It is very much opportune to begin some family oriented courses for the parents before the marriage of their children. One or two children in the family sometimes prevent the holistic development of the children. They get all they want and need not share with anyone else. This leads to selfishness and egoism. It is surprising to see the young families resist in sharing together including their salaries. These are against the basic concept of family values of giving and sacrificing.

j.        The parents want to make sure that their children do not face the same difficulties that they faced. Many parents do not share their problems with their children but they suffer in private. And some others do not include their children in the decision making process. The parents take care of each and every need of the family and of the children. Hence most of the children lack practical knowledge and experience even to do small or big house hold activities. When their children get married and found new families, they do not know to take decisions, to handle many family situations and do household activities.

k.       The young families undoubtedly need follow up programme after their marriage and looking at the current development it goes without saying. The strain and stress of the job situations, increased financial burdens and loans, lack of other family members for offering a helping hand, etc. contribute tremendously to the pressure of the young families and they are not able to cope with the rigorous schedule of family life. These situations force them to neglect their prayer life and Sunday obligations etc.

l.        For the growth in faith, the small children need models and witnesses. In the Catholic tradition, the grand-parents were also god-parents at the time of baptism of their grand-children and they took initiatives for traditionally handing over the faith to their grand-children. They were either living together or close by and it was possible. Now among the migrant families, also because of lack of space in small flats or houses, most of the young families live separately from their parents and there is not much chance to hand over the faith to their newly born grand-children. This will definitely affect the future practising of the faith of the young families.

m.    There are some traditions of which we need to imbibe their spirit into our present day. The spirit of modesty in our traditional and cultural dressings should be followed. Even the food we eat and time table following in the eating habits are to be seriously noted and followed as far as we can.